Updated: Sep 23, 2019
Written and published in May 2017
Suffering, party of one?
Remember the old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Well, I am about to tell you that the agony and heartbreak that you're feeling right now is absolutely necessary.
....and it's actually pretty rad.
Break-ups are a perfect time to reflect and look deeply inside yourself for answers. There is a lot of beauty in suffering; it makes your soul grow into the most perfect version of itself. You are blossoming into a mother- effing butterfly. Even though its hard to believe now, that person wasn't your soulmate. They were a teacher and you learned a lesson. People and situations are removed out of your life for a reason. It's a gift. Don't fight it, trust it.
Maybe it was their words that crushed you in the end or maybe it was their actions. The truth is it doesn't matter HOW the pain came to fruition because the bottom line is this:
They are CHOOSING to walk away.
So let them.
If people want to stay in your life, they will make an effort to do so. It's that simple. Do you really want to be with someone who considers you disposable?
Side note: If they try 'I want to be friends'... DON'T! You cannot be 'friends' with someone you've been in love with. Don't become a hobby for them to pick you up and drop you when they please. If someone truly loved you they would let you go and never give you breadcrumbs. If your ex continues to keep in contact with you, send you mixed signals, even when they are in serious relationships with other people....That's beyond WHACK! It's actually hella manipulative.
Love should never make you sit in anxiety, broken, confused or forced to prove your worth. It's impossible to love someone too much but it IS possible to love yourself too little. Think back to your relationship, were you truly being loved the way you deserved?
For some of you, this break-up may not be a surprise. Maybe it was YOU who did the dumping. If issues were present in your relationship and you were truly unhappy but continued to sweep it under the rug; this is the perfect time to re-evaluate why you didn't stand up for you needed. If you were shocked by the ending, than there are underlying issues that you may have not known about (that again, have nothing to do with you!)
**** BTW, if someone blind-sides you with a break-up and puts you in that position, that showcases their inability to be a trustworthy partner. A relationship's foundation relies on being communicative and vocal, even with the not-so lovely parts. I'm sorry (not sorry) they failed to communicate and express their fears during the relationship and decided that giving up was easier. It is absolutely not your fault that someone did not know how to properly love you.
Don't hold anger or bitterness toward your ex, it will only drag you down. Kindness is your greatest strength. Take the high road. Leave with dignity and compassion. Forgive them and pray for them. They need it! They are the confused and scared ones, not you. They are the ones who,for whatever reason, could not accept your grace and unconditional love into their hearts. It is certainly hard not to judge or blame those who hurt us, but it's their cross to bare. Not yours.
When it comes to closure and validation, keep in mind that the one who broke you cannot be the one to fix you. Closure comes from within your own heart when you realize that moving on without them is more important for your well-being. Set them free and continue on with your life.
Right now I know it feels like there is a missing piece, a void to be filled, an absence in your heart....but that's not the case. Only YOU can make yourself whole again. Only YOU can be your own savior. We enter this life alone and leave it alone, remember that YOU are the only person you need to reach happiness and fulfillment.
Pain is temporary. Keep yourself busy and present. Surround yourself by loving, caring, supportive and funny people. Time and a sense of humor heal everything, and soon enough you'll be back on the road to feeling normal and healthy. One day you will look back at this time in your life, that person who hurt you, and you will earnestly be able to thank them for releasing you. Consider this breakup the biggest blessing of your life.
Resist guarding yourself to love now that your trust in relationships has been broken. Recognize that by being vulnerable and open with another, regardless that your expectations were not realized, you've earned a badge of honor. You feel deeply, and you can experience life to the fullest now that you've been open to experiencing love and despair. Continue to use your big heart by openly and fearlessly loving.
Don't lose that light that shines so brightly, because one day it will be THAT light that will attract the one who will never let you go!